Friday, March 5, 2010

R.I.P. Jon Swift

I'm still getting over the untimely passing of Steve Gilliard... Found out today that Jon Swift recently died as well. And yet, Dick Cheney's shriveled little heart keeps, improbably, pumping away.

Wednesday, November 11, 2009

Separated at birther?

Musical sensation Lady Gaga...

...and sensationally deluded lawyer Orly Taitz.

Tuesday, July 28, 2009

Palin's resignation speech, alphabetized

Sure, it made no sense when you first heard it. But it makes a lot more sense when you roughly alphabetize the entire thing. Full transcript from The Mudflats:

At indicating ‘em ’bout Alaska all care-taking How North We 2005, 50 50% 58-1 85% a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a able about.

About absolutely abundance, abundant, abuse accepting accepting accomplished accountable, ACES act, additional adopting advance advancing advantage advocate after again agenda, AGIA AGIA, ago, ago, air Alaska Alaska Alaska Alaska Alaska Alaska Alaska Alaska Alaska Alaska Alaska Alaska, Alaska, Alaska’s Alaska’s Alaskan Alaskan Alaskan Alaskan Alaskans Alaskans Alaskans Alaskans Alaskans Alaskans Alaskans Alaskans, Alaskans, all.


All all all all all all All all all all all all all allowance allowance allowed allows alone, alone along along along along, always always am am amazing amendment amendment America America America America America, America America America’s America’s American American an an an an an an an an and And and and
and and And And And and and and and and and And and and and and and and And and and and and and and And and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and And And and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and And and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and And and and and and and and and and and And And and and and and And and and and and and and and and and another answer.

Anti-hunting, anti-second anti-second apologetics, appraisal are are are are are are are are area arms arms, army as as as as as as as as as as as asked asked, assisting at At At at attain avoid away base basins be be be be be be Be be be be be be be be be be be, bear beautiful beautiful beautiful beauty, because because because because because because because because been been beg beg believed believing beloved benefit benefit bent best best best better between big big big billions bipartisan blatant bless bless blessed blessed blooming boldest, both brave, break bring Bristol, build build built bumper burden bureaucracy businesses, But but but but but but by by by by by call, calling came Campbell.

Can can can can can can can can? can’t carve carving causes celebrity central challenge challenges championed championing changing chapel, character charge chart chart Cheechakos cherished choosing circuses clean clean, climate climb, coffers cold Cole, come come commercializing commissioners, community competing competition conditions conscientious constitution constitution, constitution, continent continue contributes contributor cornerstone could could
could country country? course course course, Craig crushes cubs, cycle Dad, Darn day day day, Day, day days debt, debt decades December decision decision defend degrees delicate, Democracy democracy Denali, dependency depends deserved desired destiny develop develop develop developing development, did did did did…we die different.

Diligently discussions discussions, diverse dizzying do do do do Do Do do do document does does doesn’t doesn’t doggedly dollars don’t Don’t don’t don’t Don’t done down down down dreaming drill drilling drive duck due duty earmark earmark Earth easy eat, economy education, efforts electorate, electricity elevate encouraging energy energy energy energy energy energy energy energy energy energy energy, enjoy enslavement ensures enthusiastically environment equitable era especially especially, ethically ethics even ever every everyone everything everything except excess exercise exerting exploration exploration extreme extremes facing facts.

Fair Fairbanks Fairbanks families families family family family, far federal feel feel felt fifty fifty fight finally finally finally finest fireweed first first first, first, fiscal fish Flein, fogged follow for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for, forever forget formula forward forward founded founders free free free, free, free freedom freedom freedom, freedoms, frigid from from from from from from frontier frontier frontier frost frozen Ft fulfill fulfill full fun funding fundraising further future future future, future, future future future Future.

Game-changer gas gas gas gas gas gas gate-keeper gave generated generations generous get get get gets getting Give globe God God God’s God’s God-given going going good good good good good got got govern government government government government government government government government, governor governor grace grace, grateful gratitude great great great great great great greatest greatest greatness, grizzly ground groups growing growth guaranteed, guard guard guards guards guide guided had hand hands happier happy hard harder hardest-working hardy has has has have have have have have have have have have have have have have have have, have, healthy hear heard heaves heckler heckler Hell help helping her her here here here here here here here, here, here, here’s high his history hold hold Hollywood Hollywood home, home honest honor honor honor honor hope hope hope hoping hotter how how how How how How hundred hundreds hunt.

I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I, I’d I’m I’ve.

Ice immorally important impossible improve in in In in in in in in in in in in in in in in in in in in in in in in in incentive incentivizes including independence independence, independence, individual individuals, inducement industrious influence informing inherent inherent innovative insist instance instituted interest interests into Ironically, is is is is is is is is is is is is is is is is is is is is is is is is is is is is is is is is is is is is is is is is is is, issue it it it it it It it it it it It it it it it It it it it It it it It It it It it It It it It it it it it it, it, it it it it it’s It’s it’s it’s it’s it’s jobs just just just just just just just just just just just keep keep kid kids knew knew knew, know know know know know know, known known.


Kris Kris Kris Kristan lame land largess largest last last last last last last later, law, law lawmakers lawmakers lead lead lead lead leadership leadership… leases leave legislature less Let let’s let’s let’s life lifetime like like line line link little live live live living living, living, location longer look lose love love loves made made made make make make make makin’ man man manage many many market maximum may may maybe me me, meaning media media, Meg melting men merciless midnight military military millions minds, Mom money months months monumental more more most Mother mother motto mounts, move much much much much much, must must must must must my my my my nation nation, nation nation national natural natural natural naturally Nature nature’s need need need needed needs needs needs never never new new new new new new new nice no no no No, north north north not not not not not nothing nothing.

Now Now now now now now now now now, Now, Now, now, oath oath obvious of of of of of of of of of of of of of of of of of of of of of of of of of of of of of of of of of of of of of of of of of of Office office often, oil oil oil oil OK, old on on on on on on on on on on on on on on on on one one one one one, one one’s only only opens operatives, opportunities opportunity opportunity optimistic or or or originates other other other others, our our our our our our our our our our our our our our our Our our our our our our our our our our our Our our our our our our our our our our our our our our our our Our our ourselves out out outpost outside outside Outside? outstanding Oversight own own owned owners package package paid par parents Parnell Parnell.

Partisan partner patriotic patriots peaceful, pension people people people people people people people people people, people people people people’s per perhaps periphery perpetuating Perry persistent pessimism pessimism, Petroleum pioneering pioneers pipeline Piper, plan please Point political political politics power power powerful press press, pressing pressure prices prices, pride pride principles, private private-sector pro-development produce producers pro-environment, profession project project.

Promise promise promised promised promised promised promised promised promised promised promised, promised…remember promises promised.

Proof prosperity prosperous protect protect protect protect protected protecting protection proud proud prove providing prudent putting quite raised rate reach really reap, rebate reform reform, reform reform remarkably remember Remember remember remember remember remember remember remember remind reminding renewable reporting represent requests resist resisted resisted resource resources resources resources resources resources, respected responsible responsible responsibly rest restraint, return Rich ride, right right right right right right right, right-hand right-hand rivers road road road road road road road, roll roll rugged rugged rushing.

Sacrifice safely said, saved say schools Sean Sean Sean sector secure securer securing security, security, see see see see See, See, See, seeing seeming self-determined self-sufficient, sent serve served serving serving session shared sharpest, She should should should should show Since sir slashing sleeves.

Slowed smacked small smaller smarter so so so so so so So so So so so so So So, So, So, soared soaring soaring soldier, soldiers solutions some some some some some some some some some, sounding Sourdoughs? sow speak special special speech spend spend spine spirit split sported stability staff staff, stand Stand stand Stapleton star starlets, start.

State state state state state state state, state state statehood statehood statehood’s States states steadfast steadfastly steadying stepped stick sticker stiffen stifling, still still still stimulus stimulus stop store straight strategic strength strong strong, students study sub-cabinet succeeded success success, succinct such such.

Suck.

Suggesting suggesting summertime summertime sun support support support swear swelled, system, table, taken takes talented talk talk, talking Taps team, tearing technology teeming tell terms than than than than than thank thank thank Thank thank thankful thanks.

That that that that that that that that That that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that, that that that that? that’s that’s The the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the.

Their their Their their their their their their their their them them, themselves, then then then then, there there there there there there, therefore these they they they They they they They they They they they thing thing things think this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this, this Thompson those those those though though, three through throughout time time time, tiny, title.

To to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to.

Today today today today Todd Todd’s Together Together together together
together, Tom too!

Too took took tool tough Track, training transparency Trig…I trip Tripp, troops troops truth typical, um, under underestimate underway uniform United unproductive, unstable unsustainable up up up up up up up up up up uphold upon us us us us us us us us, us use use usher usual, value Van vehicle very very very very very very very very.

Vetoed victory, view vision voluntary volunteers volunteers vo-tech.

Vow vow wary was was was was Washington, Washington’s water water, way, way we we we we we we we we We we We We we we we we We we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we We we we we we we We we we we We we we we We we we We we we we’d We’d we’re we’re we’re.

We’re wealth wealthy.

Week were were What what what what What What what what what’s when when when when when wherever Wherever which, while who who who who who who who who whole whole whom why why why why, wild wilderness wildlife wildlife will will will will will will will will will will will will will will will willing Willow, wins winter wisdom wisdom wise wise with with with with with with with with with with with with with with with without witness women words work worked, worked working world’s would would would would would would would written wrote with ya year year years years years Yes, yesterdays.

You you you you you You you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you, you, you, you, you, you you you you you? you’re young your your your your you’re your.

Tuesday, May 26, 2009

Memorial Day 2009

Monday was Memorial Day. Of course, we all take the day off to honor those who fought for our nation and gave the ultimate sacrifice. It truly is humbling to think of where we are as a country today, and all that has happened to bring us here.

As many towns across our country do, Bay Shore has a traditional Memorial Day parade down Main Street. A while before the parade started, the side roads were blocked off, and people started to scout out prime positions along the curb to honor our men and women in uniform. I wanted a bagel.

I went into a local deli/bagelry in Bay Shore, where the parade traffic had swelled the line to about a dozen people. I waited a few minutes as the line crept forward and people behind me chatted. Then, a sort of reverent hush fell across the line behind me.

A uniformed figure made her way through the door, past the long line of customers, and right up to the front. As a tribute to her service, all those waiting stood aside for her. She proudly marched right up to the register and paid for her grape Snapple. She was a school crossing guard.

Yes, a dozen people at the bagel place just showed Memorial Day reverence to a school crossing guard in her school crossing guard uniform, as she yammered away on her cell phone and cut everyone to get a Snapple. Indeed, she had made the ultimate sacrifice for her nation. She spent 20 minutes a day waving kids across the street while wearing a day-glo orange pinnie. God bless.

-----

UPDATE: It turns out that school crossing guards have a long, proud history. They, and their families, are all considered honorary members of the 3d Royal Crosswalk Regiment, and are entitled to wear the Day-Glo Orange Watch tartan.

Wednesday, May 6, 2009

The dangers of staying near Oakland

There's always the chance that you'll wake up in your hotel in the morning, only to find that gang members have tagged your ironing board during the night. Seriously, what the hell?

Sunday, May 3, 2009

Choose Life

What if we combined the controversial North Carolina "Choose Life" license plate with well-known Scottish drug film "Trainspotting"? The result would certainly be more palatable to a wider audience.

Tuesday, April 28, 2009

Mmmmm BBQ night



You know, I think it's time for BBQ night! But I'm so busy. I know! I'll buy some genuine smoked, pulled pork from BJ's and enjoy it!




Mmmmm, looks good. Some delicious pulled pork in sauce. In NEUTRAL sauce! My favorite kind!


I bet it looks just as delectable inside the package! Let me just open it up, and...uh...call the CDC.



Seriously, Hormel? It doesn't matter what it tastes like if the sight of it makes you feel retchy.

Sunday, April 19, 2009

The Escalade in its natural environment

Hulking, probably driven by some small-equipmented man-loaf, parked so that it perfectly straddles two spaces in a fairly busy parking lot with not-particularly-small spaces. You can almost hear him saying "I'm an Escalade, dammit. I need to be cutting you off without signaling--even when I'm not moving."


Seriously, I have never seen an Escalade being operated in a way that doesn't include tailgating, signal-free sudden lane changes, across-five-lane highway exits, and general swerviness. What is it about these lumbering boy-tanks that make their drivers so much worse than even the arrested development operators of an H2?

Thursday, April 16, 2009

Today's spelling outrage

On - where else? - Route 112.

Tuesday, April 14, 2009

Boo...er...bouk...er...screw it.

Easter bokays are still available on Rt. 112 in Medford!