Ten Questions for John McCain

Just give me a 15 minute interview slot, PLEASE. I just have ten questions. They won't even take the full 15 minutes.

1. Do you foresee centuries-old conflict between Sunni and Shiite ending when you tell them to sit down and "Stop the bullshit," or have you have some other magical plan now?
2. Is it ever appropriate to call a woman a c***?
3. Was it right to attack a nation that we knew at the time had no WMD and no ties to the attacks of 9/11?
4. You are proud to oppose torture. So why did you vote against a bill in Feb that banned techniques not authorized by the Army Field Manual?
5. What things has Bush done badly that you are going to do better?
6. After all your work on campaign financing issues, why did you feel it was OK to withdraw from public financing without FEC approval, and then lie about it? How can we trust you to uphold the law when you violated the one you sponsored?
7. You have sought the support of evangelicals who say things like Hurricane Katrina was sent to punish New Orleans for its sin. Why did God give you cancer?
8. Is planning and implementing torture a war crime? If not why not; if so, then who from the Bush Administration should be labeled a war criminal?
9. Memory loss and cognitive impairment are common symptoms of aging for people in their 70s. What was the previous question I asked you?
10. 36% of men in their 70s suffer from incontinence. Have you ever worn adult diapers?