Granny Smith pears

I do like Diet Sierra Mist. However, I don’t like buying a 12-pack and realizing that every single can has frigging SHREK staring back at me. I honestly would not have bought it had I known in advance I’d be looking at these hideous ogres of consumerism. I just wanted a frosty lemon-lime one-calorie beverage, dammit!

Clerk of the day: I’m standing there at King Kullen, trying to bag my groceries before the Sierra Mist rolls its way down the belt and pops the top off the mac salad, when the supply line is suddenly broken. I look back up and see the checkout girl staring quizzically at a bag of Granny Smith apples. She rolls one of them around, looking for a sticker. Finally, in desperation, she turns to me and asks “What kind of pears are these?”