If you've ever wondered how to simulate life as a coal miner, it's now within reach!
Pop a couple of Entenmann's chocolate donut holes in your snackhole. Make sure they're the St. Patrick's Day ones with the green and white sprinkles. Masticate and swallow.
Voila! You now have the diseased black sputum of a lifelong coal miner. Effects last 4-6 hours.