Tuesday, March 21, 2006

Prison Pals

After leading Matt, a co-worker, to the Creme Egg story last night, he told me that in Chinatown last weekend, "I popped into a candy store and bought a Chocolate Bunny and, to my dismay, didn't notice that the wrapper actually said Chocolate Dipped Bunny."

I thought, "What the heck. Let's google 'chocolate dipped bunny.'" To make a long story short, one of the top five links goes to the profile of a female prisoner looking for a penpal. She is "like an apple, firm but juicy." And the best part of womenbehindbars.com (Actual site slogan: BACK BY POPLULAR DEMAND!) is that they don't mess around; you can click a button to "Add to Cart", and then when you've collected enough inmates you can "Proceed to Check Out."

Many of the denizens of this world of captive fantasy dates are quite appealing. I am thinking about getting in touch with Teresa, who enjoys "curl-your-toes kisses"--presumably the result of forgetting to take the cigarette out of her mouth first. Angel is an interesting case, as the only known photo of her doubles as a color-blindness test. Linda shows what happens when you shine a flashlight into the hood of a ring wraith. Pamela keeps an excellent house, and will give you a lapdance you will never forget. She's also a counselor for the handy cap.

Of course, it wouldn't be fair to limit the selection to the fairer sex. Many men await your letters as well. There's Witness Protection, Shot-A-Guy-For-Snorin', The Outlaw, Fornicated With Mamma's Skull, and of course Swear I Didn't Do It.

And all this because of a Creme Egg.


Peter Taylor said...

You didn't search Google groups for "chocolate dipped bunny".

The first hit is from "fur.artwork.erotica", your favorite Usenet newsgroup!

Jon said...

Well, he certainly didn't Google "Female Inmates" because he would have ended up with http://www.meet-an-inmate.com/