Saturday, March 13, 2004

Sugar-free Slurpees

A few months ago, 7-11 introduced sugar-free Slurpees. Perfect for people like me who are watching their waistlines, but who still want to enjoy a 32-ounce wax cup of flavor-powder-flavored slush consumed through a double-wide straw with a simulated spoon at one end. So I figured fine, I'll try the Diet Pepsi Slurpee. First of all, it doesn't smooooooth out of the nozzle. It sort of chunks out, like the difference betwen fine, powdery snow and a sleet storm. Second of all, the kid next to you is staring with that "Whaaaaa? You're not mixing the Coke with the bananaberry brain freez?" look that kids get. And third of all, it really tastes lousy. It tastes like diet-flavor-powder-flavored slush, and that all drains to the bottom of the cup after the second slurp, leaving a mound of wintry mix behind. What's become of this fine nation of ours?

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