Wednesday, January 24, 2007

Things I did to my sister

My sister is 2 1/2 years younger than I am. Over the years, I've done some mean-spirited, cruel things to her. I present here a partial list to clear the air. This is NOT an apology, because I don't feel bad about any of them.
  • Pulled the Sunday Times out from under her when she was a toddler.
  • Convinced her that the sun was rising when it was actually setting, so then she didn't want to go to bed.
  • When she was 12, told her that when she was talking about boys with a friend, Mom said "her juices are flowing."
  • Ate a bag of M&M's in front of her on the train after she tattled on me for having said bag, because Dad had put me on a crash diet.
  • Turned the light quickly on and off while she was sleeping, simulating a nuclear bomb.
  • Stuck wet fingers in her ears.
  • While she was driving a stick shift up a hill in San Francisco, put the driver's seat all the way back while she was at a red light.
  • Slowly drove a finger into her side over 30 seconds; remarked that she was like a frog being boiled. (Note: this was just last September.)
  • Got into a fight over muting the annoying "Goody Goody" ad for Lite N Lively yogurt.
  • Sent email to her on Mom's AOL account, swearing at her and criticizing her. (This may have been last year too.)
  • Met her boyfriend dan, nicknamed him Mr. Druff.
  • Sent her a photo of a naked fat guy with the subject line "Cute picture of the kids!"
  • When she came to visit at college, gave her the top bunk and then kept sliding my hand up behind the mattress to startle her.
  • Slugged her when she drank out of my Coke on purpose because I was a germophobe.
  • Left a rolled-up dirty sweat sock in her bed.
Er...I think there are some other things on the list too, but I'm tired of reminiscing now.


mrs. david feher said...

You're 3 1/2 years older than she is, dumbass.

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